My journey started when I started to research some of the teachings that were coming out of my own church such as the requirement to use unleavened bread and grape juice in the Eucharist. I slowly began to dig deeper trying to understand why my church that in the same rule, demanded "unleavened bread" to match the passover meal that would have been used during the Last Supper, but then at the same time also held to a strict "no alcohol" policy and thus Jesus never would've used wine. I came away with the conclusion that the passover meal almost certainly used wine.

But my research didn't end there. Like finding a loose string on a sweater, I began to slowly pull at it. I was starting over in a sense, trying my best to reread scripture with a fresh mind. I still believed in Jesus and God, but I needed to figure out a new system. I needed to build a new framework of scripture so that it could start making sense again.

The more I pulled at the string however, the more things began to unravel. I could no longer hold onto a literal Creation. I discovered that many of the stories told in the OT were likely made up or highly exaggerated. Much of the material in the OT was simply an extension of the local culture; an iteration on the stories and laws of nearby countries.

If the stories of the OT were simply myth and national story-telling, then what did that mean for the NT? This led me to looking at the NT with renewed eyes as well. How do we know who wrote the books of the NT? I tried to find the answer to this, but the answer that Christian apologists give is a resounding "we don't know".

And as someone in my late 20's, I honestly felt betrayed. I felt betrayed by my church, by the preachers that I knew and trusted, and by many others that I knew should know better. The preachers and family members I grew up with dedicated their lives to studying the Bible, and any time I would bring up a question here or there, it was quick shrugged off as atheist lies, liberal Christians wanting to sin, or simply a lack of faith. The people who I thought should know the most about the questions I was asking had hardly ever thought about it. They didn't want to spend time thinking about it, and they didn't want me thinking about it either.

There are apologetics websites that attempt to respond to some of the questions I ask here, but I am simply left unconvinced. If someone thinks that they have the right answers to my questions or how to respond, then I am more than willing to listen. But should these questions stand, then I don't see how the kind of faith I was given as a child can hold up to scrutiny.